Splendor-er in the Grass

Monroe, near Lexington, E. Hollywood

This dirty diaper is one of several dozen dirty diapers gracing the lush grass of this vacant lot where I take my dog to run around. Creating and updating this blog has forced me to think quite a bit about humanity. Why are we so filthy? Why are we so careless? Why do we think it's okay to take a pile of dirty diapers and dump it in a vacant lot when there are countless dumpsters in countless alleys throughout the neighborhood? I understand the concept that the lack of ownership creates a lack of care, because if there's no personal investment in a space then the space can--and will--be trashed. I understand the concept but I guess I don't really understand the behavior. Someone will have to one day clean up these dirty diapers. Plus, it's fucking disgusting to watch my dog roll around in your baby's shit before I can catch her.

Splendor in the Grass

Monroe, near Lexington, E. Hollywood

This ancient jar of vaseline has been out to pasture for quite some time now. The jelly inside the jar is so old that it has crystallized along the sides. I imagine that it was angrily tossed over the fence one night when a jilted lover decided it was no longer necessary to jelly things up.

Hooker Trash

Vermont Pl., near Vermont, E. Hollywood

This little-known side street, Vermont Place, is between Santa Monica and Lexington, and I thought it would be a good place to cut over to my apartment. Oddly enough it dead ends, which makes it an ideal location for prostitutes and creepy people who sit in their cars with the windows rolled up to hang out. I saw one prostitute hanging out on this street at 5:30 am a couple weeks ago, when I was on my way to the subway station. She quickly ducked around the corner when she saw me, and I pretended not to notice. Anyway, I found this gem of a pile yesterday and had to return with my camera. What does a prostitute do, you might ask, when she's not--well--doing what she gets paid to do? I'll tell you: she eats ice cream. Lots and lots of ice cream. This particular prostitute took off her hose, panties (not pictured, but they were there yesterday), and heels, and dove face first into three giant containers of ice cream. I'm not sure when she ate the orange and the Nilla Wafers; I guess it's possible that she combined them all into one super dessert concoction, and then ran around the neighborhood for a few hours until the sugar wore off. Pretty unhealthy, but hey. Much healthier than smoking meth or drinking anti-freeze.

Bonin' Up

Lexington, near Vermont, E. Hollywood

Wow. So this hunk of off-colored flesh and bone was placed here by an incredibly compassionate person. Yes, it's rotting, complete with a few eager flies swarming around, but whoever put this here cares a lot about stray animals. You can't see this in the picture, but the bone is in one of several containers circling a telephone pole. In the other containers are piles and piles of brightly colored cat food and some fresh water. What I like best about the bone is that it is reflected in the bright, clean metal that it was placed in. It's like looking at two rotting bones at once.

Disappointing Offering

Virgil/Lexington, E. Hollywood

It's not really that gross, but I wanted to keep you all updated on what's been going on at the offering circle the past few days. The animals, birds, and gods seemed to have quickly consumed the fried food/tortilla meal from earlier this week, so this morning someone offered up a really big chocolate chip cookie. It wasn't soggy. It wasn't dirty. In fact, it looked pretty tasty. The chocolate chips were a bit melty from the sun. I'm disappointed that it's not more nauseating, but happy that the deity gets a nice clean dessert.

Now I Turn Inward

My house (Lexington/Lyman), E. Hollywood

My dog is shedding so much right now that there's a pile of fur in our trashcan that probably weighs a third of her body weight (she weighs 87 pounds or so). She loves to lie on the only rug in our house, and her black and white fur clumps up most disgustingly. Before we vacuum the rug we scrape it with our shoes to get some of the extra hair off. It's really gross. What you see above is the result of a small amount of shoe-scraping.

I See the World Through Pomade Colored Glass

Route 16 Bus, UCR to the Metrolink Station, Riverside

This picture is impressionist. Artsy. You like it, right? It's pleasant. You think, that's pretty. I could look at those bushes for awhile. Normally I would agree with you, if all I'd seen of this was the photograph. But I need to tell you that what you're looking at is not a photoshopped version of a nice Riverside landscape. No. If you look toward the top of the picture you'll see that the image is clear. What the blurry part is is someone's hair grease. Insane amounts of hair grease. Smudged all over the bus window. I tried not to stare at it, but it couldn't be helped. It was so gross, so thick. I would've missed my stop, too, staring at the greasy window, but luckily the woman behind me snapped me out of my reverie by asking me to untie the knot in her dollar store bag so that she wouldn't break her new nails.

The Secret Nachos

Lexington, near Vermont, E. Hollywood

There's a guy that walks up and down my street selling nachos. I was hoping he was the tamale cart guy, or even the corn-on-the-cob guy, but sadly he's just the nacho guy. These nachos have been intentionally placed under a bush to eat later in the evening, I imagine, when the purchaser returns to claim his midnight snack. Or that was the original intention. However, they've been under this bush for awhile, which is clear from the delicate mold spots dotting the nachos that remain out of the sun.

Menstrual Extraction? Zygotic Panda?

Sunset/Bates, Silverlake

Greasy onion and tomato smashed so they have a cute little tail, as most zygotes have. This was trailed by several more onion strands, soaking oil into the sidewalk. I wonder what people think of me, hunched over disgusting items on the sidewalk with my camera.

Spilling the Chocolate Fondue

Vermont, near Santa Monica, E. Hollywood

What else could this be, right?

Sunday Brunch: A Veritable Feast

Virgil/Lexington, E. Hollywood

Wow. So this one is really impressive, and especially disgusting. Corn tortillas, fried shrimp, chicken nuggets, part of a sandwich that was either filled with cream cheese or some sort of crab salad, and to top it off, a sausage-shaped dog shit poking at the edge of the circle. Gross!

Condiment Gang Street War!

Vermont, near Santa Monica, E. Hollywood

It was a fierce battle but I'm pretty sure the ketchup won. The hot sauce was completely destroyed. And, sadly, it looks like another innocent stir stick was caught in the cross-fire.

Tortilla Con Plastica

Virgil/Lexington, E. Hollywood

I really like this. Someone or something removed the final, tiny piece of tortilla from its bag and set it on the lid of the cup. WHY? Who are these people? Why do people do this sort of thing? I just don't get it.

*Added bonus: you get a glimpse of my dog's black ear in the bottom left of the photo.

Saturday Morning Offering: Donuts

Virgil/Lexington, E. Hollywood

I left my house at around 9:00 am to walk the dog, and the offering circle was simply a puddle of orange--a result of the orange rice from the day before and the steady rain that had been soaking the ground all night. When we finished our loop and were walking back down Lexington at around 9:30, I noticed a group of angry pigeons fighting over something in the offering circle. Because my dog is a fierce huntress, the pigeons scattered and I was able to see what it was they were so furiously devouring. Donuts! Of course! Happy weekend, pigeons! Happy weekend, deity!

I Simply Remember My Favorite Things, And Then I Don't Feel So Bad

Fountain/Lyman, E. Hollywood

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes. Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes. Skoal and wet croutons and dark coffee beans. These are a few of my favorite things.

Puke Wall

Vermont, near Sunset, E. Hollywood

This is actually one of the scenes that inspired me to create this blog. I know that this vomit looks relatively fresh, but would you believe that it's been on this wall for well over a month now, and has changed shape and texture several times? I wouldn't believe it either, but I promise you it's true. It began clumpy. Wet. And carried with it a potent odor. Now, however, the smell has dissipated, and I think the bile has permanently altered the color of this wall of the Children's Hospital. I like that the drunk puked against the wall, where it splattered, then gravity dragged it to the ground where it gathered in a pile against the wall. I hope the person who did this walks by this wall as often as I do, so they can admire their Heraclitean craft. You can never walk past the same pile of vomit twice.

What a Happy Coincidence! YOU Dabble in Proctology?

Lyman, near Fountain, E. Hollywood

Again. Alone, used, and uuuuuuugly.

Les Toilettes

Gateway, near Santa Monica, Silverlake

Much like the offering circle on my block, this street is constantly refreshing its supply of toilets. For a few weeks a dirty, cream colored toilet sat, lid on, on this very same patch of dying grass. The toilets pictured only lasted an evening, then they were gone. I always imagine that homeless people would probably use them at night, when nobody was watching. I know I would crave a good strong porcelain stool (no pun intended) after squatting in the bushes for weeks on end.

Excuse Me, Do You Know Where I Might Get a Rectal Exam In This Neighborhood?

Virgil/Lexington, E. Hollywood

Rubber gloves are a pretty common sight, I know. This photo doesn't really bring out the contrast and color of this rubber glove; rather, it seems to wash it out so that it's bleached to a nondescript white. Regardless of how common it is, it's still kind of gross. And why is there always just one? They're never in a pair.

The Least Gross Thing in Riverside County: Exploded Yogurt, Curdled

Downtown Riverside Metrolink Station

Three days a week I leave my house at 5:30am to catch a subway that takes me to Union Station in downtown L.A., so that I can take the Metrolink to Riverside where I teach English Composition and attend classes as a graduate student. Last year I lived in Riverside, which is one of the most depressing cities I've ever seen. People might tell you Riverside is bad and you might think, nah, it can't be that bad. Trust me. It is. At the Metrolink station this morning as I was waiting for the bus to take me to campus, I spotted this nice cluster of yogurt smears about three feet from the trashcan. Why would someone be bothered to throw their yogurt in the trashcan when they can just leave it on the sidewalk? So, as I was waiting for the bus my bladder began to fill up and I knew I wouldn't make it 20 more minutes (which is how often those buses run). The station doesn't have a bathroom, but it does have a port-a-potty stationed at the corner of the parking lot. Okay, I know port-a-potties are gross in general, and I know I should've expected Riverside's to be especially gross, but I had no idea the violent gagging that was in store for me as soon as I opened that door. I thought that if I were truly dedicated to all things gross in and around L.A., I would've pulled myself together, whipped out my phone, and snapped a photo of the gruesome scene inside that port-a-potty. Alas, I will not even try to explain to you what I saw. Just know that some rotten yogurt on the sidewalk looked like nectar from the gods after what I saw all over that toilet seat.

The Ketchup Didn't Make It

Sunset/Bates, Silverlake-ish

It was hard to capture this image as a photograph because whoever did this has a subtle brilliance that I haven't seen matched. Someone jumped(?) up, holding a McDonalds ketchup packet, and skewered it on the sharp edge of a razor wire fence. The ketchup, violently pierced, squirted all over the fence below. I like ketchup on my fries, but not elsewhere. There's something really gross to me about dried and/or drying ketchup on foreign surfaces. It's so vinegary and awful smelling at that stage. But anyway, I commend whoever took the time to do this with the ketchup packet. A true artist.

Just a Spoonful of Poop Juice

Lexington, between Virgil and Hoover, E. Hollywood

...helps the blue plastic trash go down. I like that this spoon has collected just a small amount of filthy liquid. It's endearing.

Offering Circle: Rice

Virgil/Lexington, E. Hollywood

Ah yes. This evening the offering returned. I'm only disappointed that I didn't actually catch the person in the act of piling this mound of gelatinous, startlingly orange rice into the circle. I walked by twice today and the circle was empty; however, tonight, when I left the house to walk my dog, there it was! I was starting to get worried that the deity was starving, but I think they've got some sort of agreement worked out: once the deity stops vomiting from the previous meal, the worshiper leaves a fresh pile of rot.

Pieces of Wet Sock

Del Mar, near Hyperion, Silverlake

What is this sock's sad history? Did it once have a foot? Was it torn apart by an angry pit bull? Did it fall out of its owner's car and under the tires of a cruel trash truck? Why is it so dirty, sitting on a relatively clean sidewalk? And why is it wet? It hasn't rained, and there were no sprinklers. I bet it smells horrible. But I didn't check.

It's Alive! The Finger Bandage Is Breeding

Virgil/Lexington, E. Hollywood

You might just think this is another photo of the same bandage from yesterday. I assure you, it is not. Today I spotted TWO MORE finger bandages, also made from the same pink washcloth and packing tape. Either someone cut open each of his or her fingers and then decided to shed them all, or each day this person removes his or her bandage at Virgil and Lexington, and leaves it in the grass for me to photograph. Either way, I'm intrigued.

The Offering Circle, After the Deity Has Had Its Fill

Virgil/Lexington, E. Hollywood

Whatever it is that eats the offering has left what it doesn't like and eaten the good stuff. Apparently tomatoes, kalamata olives (which I didn't even realize were part of the pasta dish), and a few sun-withered artichoke hearts are as undesirable as the cigarette butt, which looks really quite nice, arranged near the one remaining piece of penne with a cherry tomato artistically placed between.

Tiny Hot Dog

Sunset Blvd. near Bates, Silverlake

My dog really wanted to eat this on our walk this morning. And I might have too last night, if I were also standing drunk outside of El Cid shouting insults at passersby and threatening to fling my own feces at the Prius parked down the street.

Homemade Finger Bandage

Lexington, between Virgil and Westmoreland, E. Hollywood

This finger bandage--made from a piece of wash cloth and some packing tape--doesn't look especially gross in this picture, but it has been slowly migrating down the street toward my house over the past week or so. It started out on the ground right at the intersection at Virgil and Lexington, but it keeps inching its way down Lexington toward Westmoreland. Who is moving it, and why?

The Offering Circle

Virgil/Lexington, E. Hollywood

Just down the block from my house there's a little circle of dirt that is always filled with some sort of disgusting food item, as though someone were constantly offering up food to a deity, birds, or stray cats and dogs. The offerings have ranged from soggy cookies to a rotten pile of garbanzo beans topped with moldy green yogurt. This offering appears to be a penne pasta dish, with cherry tomatoes, artichoke hears, and mozzarella. Definitely the fanciest offering yet. I think there might even be a roll on top.

Welcome

I live in East Hollywood, which is to say close to Sunset Junction, close to Los Feliz, and close to Silverlake, yet just far enough that there are a few blocks between the gentry and me. This means that there is so much disgusting stuff to photograph within a stone's throw that I figured I can't just witness it alone any more. I need to document it. Also, if you find something amazingly gross--in L.A. or in your city--please photograph it and give the location and a description of the item and email it to me at grossstuffinla AT gmail.

Get ready to gag.