Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Getting my "dunk" on the olde fashioned way

17th and Steele, Denver

Hardcore Gross Stuff fans may be disappointed in this find: yes, it's only a half-drunk (half-drank?) 40 oz bottle of Olde English HG 800. At first I didn't see the other zero after the 80, and I thought it was a clever way to refer to the element mercury, which is the 80th element on the periodic table, and has HG as its symbol. But finally a google search yielded the plain truth of this beverage's name. I found this bottle perched happily in this plant in front of a pretty nice looking apartment building across from the park. I'm sure it's just like all other malt beverages. It probably gets you drunk reasonably quickly, and leaves you with a pulsing hangover. I'm curious why the person who set it in the planter decided to leave it half finished. It doesn't really strike me as a sipping beverage. I found some great reviews of this product online, and since the sight of it probably isn't making you ill, I owe you something.

I'd like to thank spigglenut for this poignant review:
"F-YEAH BABY - WE CAN DO THIS. THE 8-BALL DELIVERING WHAT COUNTS - F'IN 7.9% ABV IN THE MIDWEST (BUT JUST 5.9% ON THE EAST SIDE CAUSE THATS WHERE ALL THE LITEWEIGHT WIGGER WANNABEES LIVE). GETTING MY DUNK ON IN STYLE EVERY FREEKING DAY VIA THE 8-0-0 AND IM UNSTOPABLE WHEN ITS TIME TO HIT tHESTREETSS LOOKING FOR tHAT UNDERAGE SNAPPER."

Yogurt says:
"Nasty stuff. I had some about ten years ago and I almost puked after one 22oz bottle."

daddy253 write:
"shit takes care of the hang over."

And finally, Rusty the Pelican's review:
"This shit is bad. Very, very bad. Metallic, astringent, chemical-tasting . . . ugg. I don't even want to call this malt liquor. It's a poor attempt at HG. I probably should have drain-poured it, as I woke up with a mammoth hangover - the kind where I have to squint in order to even drive. Fuck OEHG. 1/10. Paid $2.69 for this dogshit at some Polish liquor store on the far northwest side of Chicago (Miskas?)."

I knew I should've taken the bottle home and finished it off.

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