Maybe Sparrow, It's Too Late

Behind my house, Lexington/Lyman, E. Hollywood

Your body limp beneath my feet; your dusty eyes cold as clay. You didn't hear my warning. But somebody ate out your stomach. Just tore away at it. They left your eyes, closed sweetly in death, but disemboweled you. Was it a cat? Another bird? A disturbed little kid? An even more disturbed adult? The neighbor's dog? I have no idea. But we wrapped you gently in one of our dog's poop bags and buried you in our trashcan. If the flesh is indeed resurrected, and animals get to come along to heaven, I will be terrified of you.

Somebody Ran Out of Washcloths and Still Hasn't Been to the Clinic

Lexington, between Virgil and Westmoreland, E. Hollywood

Hooray! The finger bandage is back! I hadn't seen any new bandages lately, then Andrew pointed out a sock on the sidewalk, wrapped in tape, and I realized that the injured finger had shed again! Thank god there's some consistency in this world. With all the craziness surrounding me, I feel safe knowing that I can always look forward to the finger bandages appearing sporadically to reassure me that this world is a beautiful, beautiful place.

Poop Soaker

Sunset, near Hyperion, Silverlake

Whenever I know I'm going to be eating something really spicy, jumping up and down a lot after drinking 32 ounces of espresso, or drinking whiskey until the sun comes up three days later, I stick a paper liner in my panties to soak up the diarrhea.

Zombie God Wants BRAAAAAAINS

Virgil/Lexington, E. Hollywood

So, um. What is this? I thought it was oatmeal at first, then maybe really mushy rice. But I don't think it's either. In fact, I have no idea what it is. I know those are more nuggets surrounding the brains, but I still can't figure out what the brains are. The creatures that eat the offering left the brains there, untouched, for at least a week, so I know it can't be too delicious, despite its pleasant countenance.

No, I'm Not Pregnant, I Just Like to Dress Like A Couch We Had in 1981

Target, Santa Monica/La Brea, Hollywood

I don't even know where to begin. Normally Gross Stuff takes the form of rotting food, half-digested food, fully digested and processed out the butt food, and/or things that were once on someone's body but have been discarded and are filthy. But I had to photograph this shit. Old Navy has a decent maternity section. The clothes look like their other unethically made but reasonably priced items, and they fit well. What you see above is Target's entire selection of maternity shirts. Not only are they made out of some horrible material that would make any itchy maternity belly uncomfortable, but they are the ugliest fabric that has ever been seen on planet earth. Why make a pregnant woman, who already feels insecure about her ever-increasing body size, feel good, when you can just wrap her in a pillow case and stick her in the corner with a tub of margarine and some pork rinds?

Sizzling Rice Soup, Or Was It?

Sunset, near Hyperion, Silverlake

Yeah, I have no idea what this once was. I realize that the photo is out of focus, but it doesn't matter. Even in focus this item is indistinguishable. It sort of looks like the hunk of rice you'd find in your sizzling rice soup (which, by the way, the supermarket in Thai Town sells as instant sizzling rice), but it could really be anything. It could be a baby alien, right? I mean, look at those limbs sticking out helplessly from the side. Whatever it is, it's greasy, which is how I like my gross stuff. I want my gross stuff to leave a permanent shadow of oil on the sidewalk after it is eaten or washed away by the rain.

This Person Had Milk With Dinner

Lexington, near Bates, E. Hollywood

Sometimes the dried stuff around the vomit is bright yellow, and sometimes there isn't much former-liquid at all. This person might have been drinking White Russians, or doing shots of that fancy-ass white chocolate Godiva liqueur. My dog is always very interested in vomit. Way too interested. Like, let-me-loose-in-the-neighborhood-and-I'll-find-my-own-dinner-tonight interested.